Cough, Cough, Cough

I’ve spent the last week and a half coughing and hacking and on antibiotics for an infection in my larynx (the doctor actually told me not to speak for 3 whole days!  Yeah right, try that with a 3 year old and a 2 year old!).  As a result, I’ve gotten next to no exercise and I’m really feeling the loss.

I hate being sick, not for the usual reasons, but because it means that I have to take a break from exercise or cut back and, psychologically, I have a hard time dealing with that.  Somewhere in the back of my head I think I’m going to suddenly gain 100 lbs if I miss one unscheduled day of exercise, or the little voice that follows me everywhere tells me that I’m weak, and that If I wasn’t such a waste of space I’d go push myself at the gym.  This is a voice I’m learning to quiet.  There is no point in pushing yourself in the gym when you’re sick, it will just make you sicker.

In fact, pushing myself in the gym about 2 weeks ago when I first felt a little peaky and flu-y is why I probably ended up with the larynx infection in the first place.  I knew I was sick, a little feverish and probably fighting off a cold and I forced myself to go to the gym and worked even harder then I usually do in some vain attempt to fight through the sickness. Result – an even worse infection and antibiotics.  Way to go Fit Fatty, way to go!

Even knowing that going overboard at the gym is why I went from a garden variety flu to a horrible antibiotic needing, no speaking allowed infection, I still feel guilty for skipping the gym for 5 days and for only doing some light walking for 3 days!  I grew up watching my mother ( sorry mom) push herself to exercise when she was ill and never once did it make her feel better.  She usually ended up in the same boat I just did.

And if shutting up the not exercising guilt isn’t hard enough, once I manage to convince that voice that I’m better off to leave the gym for a few days (and I actually went to Dr. Google this time and Dr. Google gave me plenty of articles telling me why someone on antibiotics shouldn’t do intense exercise), I then have to deal with the “food” voice.  The “food” voice tells me I shouldn’t eat if I’m not going to exercise, because exercise is what gives me permission to give my body nutrients.  That voice is a little harder to banish when I’m sick because, like most people, I generally don’t feel hungry when I’m sick and it’s really easy to ignore the few pangs I get.  That voice is even worse I think, because your body really does need good food and nutrients to help you get better, not to mention it’s usually easier to digest antibiotics with some food in your tummy.

Being sick is always a real eyeopener into how fucked up my idea of eating and health is.  The plus side of all this is that it’s reinforcing why I’m writing this blog and doing this whole “Fit Fatty” thing.  I can’t keep harming my body.

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